So not once, not twice but THREE times in the past week I’ve been told that I don’t let people in and that I’m not always honest with my emotions. I can’t even count the times I’ve been told this over the years. Hell, I even started a blog and didn’t tell anybody! The way I share is: I will start to tell you something then BOOM wall. And that’s it folks, that’s all I’m sharing and the rest you have to figure out. Or I’ll gloss over things that really affect me in a negative way. What I really hope is that you’ll write me off as being shallow and happy, and go about your business.
A long time ago I read the quote that you “smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone”, and I took that to heart. I’ve made that my life’s motto. The problem is that it’s not true. There are people who are willing to be there with you when things get rough, and not sharing your life with them can have unintended consequences. Some people have felt jealous or thought I was spoiled because I portray someone who always gets what they want and have it all so easy; I don’t share the sleepless nights or hardships and heartaches that come with it. Others feel the frustration of knowing there’s more to what I’m saying, but feeling the sting of thinking I don’t trust them enough to share it. It’s not easy for me to let people in and I work very hard to repair chinks in my armor should they occur. This is something I want to change – to a degree. While I don’t want to start spewing negativity, I do want to be more honest about who I am and how I feel. See the problem is, not only do I hide the bad but I also hide a lot of the good. I think it’s time for me to try and have the sort of relationships you can only get by allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
Ugh. Just writing that makes me feel sick to my stomach. This is going to be harder than I thought.
Well you know I'm here to practice with! Loves!
ReplyDeleteOh Carly, I know exactly what you're saying. Some people think I'm an open book because I'm opinionated and can be out-spoken. But it's hard for me to open up about the REAL things. The things that are affecting me deep down. So... it's something I've been working on, too. We'll do it together. Let's to do dinner and bare our souls! It may be therapeutic! :)
ReplyDeleteWell thank you much to my two readers! I think I will start by telling people I started a blog in the first place and move from there.
ReplyDeleteI will take both of you up on a soul baring session SOON!
I am always open to a soul bearing session! I think some things are okay to keep to yourself, but i can see how people can perceive you different than you are because you are not open. I have a friend who is like that. She doesn't share the bad...and we always tend to think she has it all, that nothing ever goes wrong in her life. Well my friend, it does, she just doesn't tell you.
ReplyDeleteOpen up Carly! At least to those you trust.