Update

Hello friends!

A quick update: I do not have strep, yay! I do have a nasty cold, but with some Vitamin C and rest I will hopefully kick it soon. I hate having to take antibiotics, so I'm pretty excited that I don't need them. Also, my car is FIXED! I had a misfire in two cylinders, as well as some other things that needed work, but I got it all done for about $400. My mom was nice enough to loan the money to me until I get this bank stuff worked out. She also went with me to drop my car off and pick it back up, bought me pho, and let me mope around on her couch and watch movies. Moms are the best. Things are definitely looking up and now I'm feeling a little silly about the Eeyore post I wrote two days ago.Oh well, it's how I was feeling at the time. In other news, I still have no money and the investigation is draaaaaaaaging on. Damn thieves! In the meantime I'm going to keep praying that things work out, and that I can stick it out until then.

I also want to say thank you for your kind words of encouragement. It felt amazing to have that sort of love and support and I really really appreciate it. I love you guys xoxo

Someone hand me an umbrella...

Man, when it rains it pours.

WARNING: I'm about to complain. A lot. (But I added pictures, so hopefully that helps.)

This week has been a bit.... rough. I know, it's only Tuesday. Last week my debit card information was stolen, and I was left with an alarmingly negative balance. After two hours on the phone I was assured that my balance would be restored by Monday. Monday comes, and no money. I call again and find out that despite my extremely long call the week before, the claim wasn't actually made on my account. After filling out some paperwork I was told it could take up to 10 days to get my money back. I don't use credit cards, so this is a pretty big deal for me.

Normally I would just tighten my belt and wait it out. Unfortunately my car is having some serious issues as of this week and needs to be fixed ASAP. Crap. My nearest bus stop is over two miles away. For living in a yuppie community, it sure isn't very green. If push comes to shove I guess I'll be getting a little more exercise in the mornings. While reminding myself last night that I'll be fine and I've certainly been in tighter spots, I noticed a little tickle in my throat. The tickle became a pain, and the pain would not go away. Usually Every time this has happens it winds up being strep throat. Double crap. I don't know why, but I'm super susceptible to strep, I seriously get it once a year. It's looking like I'm going to have to make a trip to the doctor's office tomorrow and even though I have health insurance (yay!) it's still going to cost money (boo.), money I don't have. Deep breath.

Before I went to bed I prayed. I prayed for my health, my car, and my finances. I usually don't have such selfish prayers, but I really do need help. I dreamed continuously through the night that things worked out. When my throat woke me up occasionally in the night I realized that I had been mid-prayer. This is not unusual for me, when things weigh on me heavily I notice that I pray while dreaming. I used to do the same thing when I was in school; I would be working out difficult math equations in my sleep and wake up mumbling them to myself. Strange, I know.

I woke up this morning feeling better, emotionally. While I have to remind myself that God is not my personal genie who will grant me whatever I want, just because I asked for it; but I have to equally remind myself that I have put my faith and trust in God and things will work out. I've been in harder, tougher, tighter spots before,  things have always improved over time and I still have much to be grateful for. Life is nothing but ups and downs, and this just happens to be a downturn...

Silver and Gold

Yesterday I met a perfectly beautiful baby girl born to one of my oldest and dearest friends. This is especially exciting, because for as long as I've known her, Lindsay has wanted a family. I can't even begin to tell you how many times we played "House"! Seeing her last night in the hospital with her husband and baby brought back a flood of memories, it's crazy how quickly the last 17 years have gone by!

I met Lindsay when I moved to Renton, just before the 5th grade, and both of our first impressions were "wow, that girl has weird eyes". Despite that we became pretty good friends and I was lucky enough to be her neighbor, her house was right behind mine :)

(In case you're wondering... We are in the back of a truck mooning someone.)

Lindsay looks the same. Thank God I don't.

I remember countless sleepovers, hours of Sega and Nintendo, boy talk, dressing up, talks over the back fence, accidentally flinging her into a bird cage (Sorry Lins), making fun of sweaty teachers, 7-11 nachos, sneaking out, church boys, green hair, kidnap attempts, lazy pool time, and of course... Playing house. There's a type of friendship that you can only get from knowing someone for years and years, and I feel so lucky to have that with not only Lindsay, but the rest of my girls too.

Love them

I wish I could make this bigger... :(


After all the ups and downs I've seen Lindsay take, I can't begin to explain how happy I am to see her married to a man who adores her, and the mother of a beautiful girl named Chelsea.



Congrats my friend!

Well this took quite a turn...

Ahhh... Three day weekends. Is there anything better? Since I'm not married, no kids, and no roommates/live-in boyfriend, I can basically do whatever I want. One day, I want those things, but for now I absolutely LOVE to just revel in the selfishness living alone provides. When I moved into my very own place (a year and two days ago!), I was worried that I would get bored and lonely, especially with no TV. In the beginning it was hard, but it didn't last long. Turns out I'm actually pretty good company!

I can't count the number of times that I've come home and sat down with a book and a fire and felt absolutely at peace. Pure bliss. I love that my apartment is usually neat and clean, and if it's not it's only my fault. I love that I can listen to music in the morning without worrying about waking anyone else up. I love deciding what to cook for dinner based on my tastes alone, or saying screw it and getting a roasted chicken from QFC and eating it with my bare hands. (Yes. I do that. Often.)

When I first started this venture of being alone I was scared and nervous, but also knew it was something I needed to do for me. I always considered myself to be an independent person, but I wasn't really. Not while I had someone else to pay part of my bills or rent, or to make decisions and compromise with on a daily basis. There is a freedom and confidence that I've gained by supporting myself that I didn't have before.Financially things have been harder, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. The life I lead is a gift from myself to myself, and I wouldn't change it for anything.

Hahaha... I set out to tell you about my weekend, and wrote this instead! I guess I thought it was more important. There was something that happened this weekend that was a little scary though. Sunday night I was heading home on 900 (dark two lane road between Renton and Issaquah) when I noticed a car trying to pass another car, heading in my direction. Well I guess the first car didn't want to be passed, because they sped up. The car in my lane also sped up, and wound up forcing me off the road to avoid a head on collision. I'm lucky that they "won" and were able to swerve back into their lane at the same time I swerved off the road, because there hadn't been enough time for me to get completely over. I was going 50, they were going quite a bit faster. I drove home fine, then realized how fucking close it was to being really really bad. The video below is pretty accurate (I'm the truck), except it happened A LOT faster with much less time for me to react. Whew.

A Change in Plans

My last post was about opening up about things, so here goes nothing!

I was planning a trip to Cabo next month for a wedding. I was really looking forward to it; Brady is the best man, lots of friends were going, and the couple is so sweet and so obviously in love that seeing them get married was important to me. Unfortunately, I also just found out that my Grandpa has been pretty sick, and hasn't been able to leave the upstairs of his home in a few weeks. My dad is flying down to El Salvador to see him the same weekend as the wedding. 

El Salvador

This hit me kinda hard. For obvious reasons I  have only been able to see my grandma and grandpa every two or three years. However, despite the geographical distance I've always felt a strong connection and closeness with them. 

Me, Gma, Great Uncle, Dad, Stepmom, Aunt and Gpa

Both my grandparents are so lively and young at heart, I think I took for granted that they would be healthy forever. Finding out that my Grandpa was sick was quite a shock.

Playing Air Guitar 2009

The choice of course is clear, I will be skipping the wedding and instead flying down to spend some time with my family. As much as I want to see them it's hard to go from planning a trip for a joyous occasion to planning a trip because of an illness. Then there's the added stress of tickets costing $300-400 more for El Salvador over Mexico and the fact that I will probably be taking more time off of work as well. Frankly, it's a little depressing. Throw on top of that the guilt I feel for even worrying about those things, when the only thing I feel like I should be worried about it Papa Juan. Mix it all together and you get one sad Carly. Blah.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Sorry this post isn't as smoothly written as it should be....

Something's Got to Give

So not once, not twice but THREE times in the past week I’ve been told that I don’t let people in and that I’m not always honest with my emotions. I can’t even count the times I’ve been told this over the years. Hell, I even started a blog and didn’t tell anybody! The way I share is: I will start to tell you something then BOOM wall. And that’s it folks, that’s all I’m sharing and the rest you have to figure out. Or I’ll gloss over things that really affect me in a negative way. What I really hope is that you’ll write me off as being shallow and happy, and go about your business. 

 A long time ago I read the quote that you “smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone”, and I took that to heart. I’ve made that my life’s motto. The problem is that it’s not true. There are people who are willing to be there with you when things get rough, and not sharing your life with them can have unintended consequences. Some people have felt jealous or thought I was spoiled because I portray someone who always gets what they want and have it all so easy; I don’t share the sleepless nights or hardships and heartaches that come with it. Others feel the frustration of knowing there’s more to what I’m saying, but feeling the sting of thinking I don’t trust them enough to share it. It’s not easy for me to let people in and I work very hard to repair chinks in my armor should they occur.  This is something I want to change – to a degree. While I don’t want to start spewing negativity, I do want to be more honest about who I am and how I feel. See the problem is, not only do I hide the bad but I also hide a lot of the good. I think it’s time for me to try and have the sort of relationships you can only get by allowing yourself to be vulnerable. 

Fat and Babies

I wrote this a while back, but seeing as one of my oldest friends is due in the next two weeks, (making me the only one out of that group not married or having babies I’d like to point out) AND another of my closest friends is due in June, I thought it was still pretty relevant.

Then:

Now: (Note the only one not wearing purple. That's the key to being ready.)

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will never be the size that I was in high school. It was a tough realization, but in all honesty my body has changed. I’ve got child bearing hips these days. It’s as though my body is saying “I know you’re not ready for kids now, but just in case, I’m ready”. Basically my body and my mom are on the same page with that. So, maybe I can’t whittle myself down to where I was 10 years ago, but where I was 6 months ago?! C’mon, that should be easy! Now if only my brain would get that message to my ass I’d be golden. Even though my body has decided to become all womanly on me, (and I guess that’s fair since I’m pushing the envelope to 27 these days and that’s technically what I am) I’m nowhere near ready for kids. Of course, I always pictured myself married first (ha! Who doesn’t?) or at the very least sporting some health insurance. Last thing I want is to look at my medical bill and ask if they’ll just take the baby back. Somehow I don’t think they give out Mother of the Year awards for that.

I look terrified

In all seriousness, if the thought of losing my body is enough to make me dread kids, then I think that’s a pretty good sign that I should wait. In the meantime I think I will enjoy my one bedroom apartment with my cat.

Hello Pretty!

(I should point out that all of my friends have managed to look fantastic during and after the pregnancies. But for some reason I have this fear that me having kids =  permanently losing the ability to see my feet.)

I think blogs are slightly narcissistic...

Does anyone really want to read my random thoughts? I think blogs are slightly narcissistic, so naturally I had to get one. Truth be told, I can be a bit of a narcissist. Everyone treats that like it's such a bad thing; people should be powered by kind thoughts and generous actions. Yeah, yeah, I agree. But at the end of the day it's me that I've spent all my time with, and you know what? I like me.

I like me even though I can be a mess. I'm random, quirky and slightly crazy. But I still try so damn hard. Which is part of what this blog is for, I'm not sure where I'm going or what I'm doing, but I'll get there eventually. In the mean time, enjoy the ride.

I Was Tagged!

11 Things About Me:

 1. I didn't have a TV growing up. We got one when I was nine. To this day I'm not big on it.

2. I prefer stick shifts

 

3. I very clearly remember that as a kid I didn't want to grow up because I didn't want to have to pay taxes. What the heck? I think someone left the news on during election time.

 

4. I refer to myself as being blonde no matter what color my hair is.

 

5. I have dual citizenship in the US and El Salvador.

 

6. For some reason I can never remember my hair appointments correctly. I either show up too early or on the wrong day completely. It's weird.

 

7. My natural hair color is red and light brown.

8. I have the most messed up dreams! Describing my nightmares to people have actually given them nightmares. I think I should write them down and sell them.

9. I'm totally beauty challenged. I just learned what foundation primer was for like, a week ago.

10. I get over things really easily. But when I'm mad -  watch out!

11. People are always surprised when they find out my heritage. But my body type is totally Middle Eastern and I look just like the people of El Salvador. Just, you know, white.

1. What made you choose your career? Was it what you thought you wanted to be when you grew up?

I just started working somewhere new about a month ago, and I just fell into it. I actually wanted to be a photographer and work for National Geographic. Travel around and take pictures of things most people don't get to see.

2. Do you have any body modifications ( tats, piercings , ect) and what is your favorite one?

I have three tattoos and four piercings. My lower back piercing WAS my favorite, but I had to take it out. I had it for three years, but it randomly started getting angry one day. Hurt like a B!

3. What is your favorite childhood memory?

Every year my family would go camping at Lake Wentachee two or three times a summer for about a ten day stretch. We would lay around in the sun, go swimming, jet skiing, hiking... My brother would catch fish in the mornings and my mom and I would clean them (I'm a total tomboy at heart). We'd sit around the fire and play cards at night. I loved it. We still try to make it out every year, it's my happy place.

 

4. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go and why?

 I want to go everywhere! Lately I've been more interested in places like the Amazon and Africa. Places that are completely different from what I've experienced this far.

 

5. How long does it take you to get ready for work in the morning?

Ugh! Depends on if I wash my hair or not. About 45 minutes if I don't and a hour and a half if I do.

 

6. What is your biggest regret in life thus far?

Getting married at 18. I don't talk about it much and I HATE it when people bring it up. I don't recommend marrying someone you don't know very well.

 

7.  What was the dumbest thing you have done that should have killed you, but didn't?

Hmm... Interesting question! I'm definitely a risk taker, but none of the things I do are designed to kill me :) I think the dumbest thing I've done is drive after drinking. I know better.

 

8. What is the scariest thing you have ever had to do?

Visit my brother in the hospital. Is that weird? I've been skydiving, been shot at, had my life threatened, gotten divorced, been stalked, moved away from everyone I know; but none of them terrified me more than seeing my brother in the TICU after getting in an accident. Holy crap. It's been over four years, and to this day it still gets me.

 

9. If you could swap places with anyone for the day, who would it be?

 I went back and forth on this one. Someone tall. Someone rich. Someone who lived on a beach in Mexico. But I have to go with my sister. She's disabled and I think it would make me appreciate the freedom I have in my life. Plus I think she'd like it too.

 

10. What is your favorite dish to cook/bake?

Right now it's my apple cup pies. They take a long time, but they are adorable and delicious! 

 

11. What is the most you have ever paid for a pair of jeans?

Haha. I don't know if I want to tell you that! Let's just say I have a pair of Rock and Republic jeans I got when I worked at Nordstrom. They were $300 before my discount.