It's Time for a Change

Nikki at Que Sera Sera posted an article called How to Talk to Little Girls, and asked us how we felt about the content. Well, turns out I thought a lot about it, enough to write an entire post. Growing up there was a HUGE emphasis on my brain (what books are you reading, etc.) and very little on looks. I think it was great; even now I care less about being pretty and more about being smart. Reading about girls who think they’re fat at 3, and the rise in eating disorders and boob jobs for teenagers is appalling. This article stresses the importance of treating and talking to little girls differently, and while I agree, I think it’s missing a vital piece of information. Children learn by watching. They think they need to go on a diet because that is all we talk about. They think they need Botox because WE are afraid of aging. Maybe the first step is not changing our interactions with little girls, but changing our perceptions of ourselves.

When I moved to Renton at the age of nine I made a friend who thought she was fat. I was blown away, we were about the same size and the thought had never crossed my mind. Then I met her mom and it fell into place why she called herself “Thunder Thighs”. While my mom was explaining Einstein’s theory of black holes, her mom was telling her that she would get fat if she drank Snapple. I watched her mom with surprise as she would pull and pinch and frown in the mirror. It was a strange concept to me that someone would be so dissatisfied with themselves. Men had always fallen over themselves for my mother, but never did I hear her address her looks. Instead she was more amazed at the perfection and ability of the human body than the effect it had on others.

This attitude is something that she passed on to me. She would pull me to her with a hug and a kiss and tell me how proud she was that I was her daughter. She told me that I was perfect the way I was, and even with my gapped teeth, freckles, and gangly limbs, she made me feel beautiful. Over the years some of this has been counteracted by the hate women seem to have for themselves. I have adopted insecurities about my appearance that I never had before and I truly hope that I get over them before I have a daughter of my own.

I strongly believe that we are passing our fears and self doubt on to our children and to each other.  We are appalled when girls are behaving like their role models. Why is it that we want our friends and children to have a healthy self esteem, but perpetuate our own crippling insecurities? “Do as I say, not as I do” does NOT work; these fears came from us and the change needs to come from us as well. For once, let's take our own advice.